A brand new chapter...

2004-06-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

Life is a journey full of lots of "what ifs"...

it's up to us to make them reality or leave them as it is...

One thing in life...

As i have learned from Ally Mcbeal..

"Never regret what you did, rather, regret what you have not done"...

Every step we take...

is a new step...

every friend we meet is a new story...

everything we do...

opens up a new journey...

and this journey is worth exploring...

fear not...cry not...worry not...

someone somewhere has been through it...

if they can walk through it...

why not you?

if they have friends that have walked through it with them...

why not we?

whenever you feel lonely, scared, afraid, unloved...

my number is just a keypress away...

we might be seperated by distance...

but not apart...

To all my friends whom i have kept close to heart,

i might not shown it...

i might not have said it...

but, you do mean something to me...

Cause' somewhere somehow, you have walked into my journey...

and made that part of the journey more worthwhile than ever...

2004-06-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

just did some counting...it's 11 more days to go!!!

argghh...this is terrible...i am freaking...i am scared...i am lost for words!!

i just feel like crying man...

it's all happening so fast...

11 days more...and i have got to get my 3 pcs of white plain polo shirts...2 pieces of white plain shirts...2 pcs of white plain singlets...and 2 pcs of slacks..

and i have got to get the toiletries...

also have go to meet Jul, Grace, Boon, Alan, Fend...

gotta go Sentosa..if not, gotta wait till next year...and i don't know if i will have time next year..

spend time with Ma and Pa..go visit Grandma..

settle my home stuff...settle my handphone stuff...

spend time with my "angel"...

and gotta help my aunt for the whole of next week..help to be a model for her massage thingy...

haiz...speaking of that...agreed to help her a few moments ago...then she called again to say that i won't be paid!..will just be helping out...

haiz...what can i say man?...already promised her...me and my big mouth...

11 days...it better be enough...

but then again...if it's not enough...there's nothing i can do...
____________________________________________

okok...enough of my Doom Day...

gotta touch on what i did today...

i didn't really do anything today...or should i say..i did a little...

well well...woke up at 10 plus today...damn tired...don't know why also...

could have slept later...but my MUM!!

just suddenly called to ask about my white shirts thingy!!

and best part is i could not get back to sleep after that..

and worst part is...my mum can call me to ask about the white shirts thingy but not about my BREAKFAST!

so shitty...gotta go down to get breakfast...

and by the time i was up...i just didn't have the mood to go run my rounds at the stadium...

and so i told myself "evening...confirm go"...

then spent my whole afternoon packing my room and chatting with Grace for awhile..

packing and packing...it never stops!

and my room can never be fully neat...

nevermind about that...since i do not usually spend much time at home...except to sleep...

which makes me wonder if i would miss my room in 11 days more to come?

would i cry?

but it's just not me to cry because i miss my room...in fact, i seldom, or should i say, never miss my room?

maybe i might...i'll tell you if i do..

gotta end my post soon...getting pretty long...

...shall be going out with Grace tml...

yippie!...shall go get my stuff and a little shopping...and i just could not wait to lay my hands on the Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino from StarBucks!

saw the ad in the papers today...it's calling out to me!

though i have always preferred CoffeeBean to StarBucks...it's still calling out to me!

shall try it tml and let you ppl know...

hee...just hope that my sore throat would go away...it's kind of irriatating me though...

ok..bye ppl...

oh yah...not bye yet...

i caught the show The Wedding Planner yesterday...

whoa...

very nice show!...makes you wanna get married...makes you wanna get your heels stuck in the long kau's hole everyday!!

haha...and makes you wanna only eat the M & M's brown coloured chocolates only...coz it might contain less preservatives as chocolates are already brown in colour..

ok...nitez ppl...

2004-06-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

As i go through a new chapter in life..
i realised something so right..
So right was i to let you go..
So right was i to say good-bye..

I had cried..
but i had stopped..

for i have come to realise...
so much of us was in the past...

in chapter five,
where there were happier times..
they were often overwhelmed by sadder times..

i have loved you...
i have hated you...
i have waited for you...
i have cried..
i have gone so far to the point that my confidence was gone..
my faith disappeared...
where i was just holding on...
for the hope of going on...

if chapter 5 was so little about love, happiness and life..
and so much about hatred, sadness and broken hearts..

i am glad that i have moved on..

to my new chapter 6..
where i have learnt..

learnt how to love...
how to treasure...

learnt more about life and all...

learnt how to trust and have faith..

and of all things..

i have learnt,
i am the writer of my chapters..
not you..

2004-05-30T20:10:00.000+08:00

I know you are busy

And right now, nothing seems easy

It is a hard road ahead

This I must agree

I can’t offer much

Except for words of encouragement

I don’t know how well they work

But I hope it’s more than words

A message a day

A prayer each day

I hope things would be better

As you try your best at the battle…

2004-05-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

Sunday Sunday...

Was supposed to be out with Grace today..but then again...she didn't call me and i didn't call her...it's one of those unsuccessful outing yet again..

i wouldn't be surprised if i were to call her later and she asking me why i didn't call her earlier to go out...and i would definately ask her why she didn't call me back...

i just don't get it...if people don't call you...you would call them right?sometimes, she just makes me wanna hang her upside down and slap her...

i hope she ain't reading this...

nevermind...staying at home isn't such a bad idea afterall...come to think of it..for the past few years, i have been out every sunday...so i guess this is a good time to stay home and spend time with my room...

sounds weird.."spending time with my room"...whatever...

btw, Dad gave me some $$ yesterday..i felt happy but now, thinking back...it has been like 4 years since i last took money from him to spend?

don't really feel good...living off ppl...though he's Dad..i still don't feel appropriate...so, shall return him the money when i am financially stable..

oh...just suddenly thought of the 2 fishes that Jul bought..wonder how are they now...this silly gal...i still can't believe it...she actually named the 2 fishes Dummy and Tummy...or was it Dumsy?

haha...whatever she calls it...sounds funny though...but it's her fishes afterall...she spent like $35.00 on it...including the tank, the air pump, food and that anti-clorine solution...

don't know much about fishes and stuff...so not sure if it was indeed a good buy though..but as long as she is happy~

she makes me feel like buying fishes too...

but i guess i won't..i just can't bear the thought that the pet would die and leave you one day...

it's gonna be damn emotional...

just don't wanna go through that all over again...first it was my hamster...then it was my dog...

no more pets for me...i prefer to go to people's house and play with their pets instead..

the weather looks bad now...looks like it's gonna rain...

it's always like that..just when i have decided to do some exercises for good...it would always rain!!

dear clouds...rain all you want now...just don't rain tml...i have lotsa stuff to do tml...

gotta call my sureties up...settle my home stuff before i head for Doom Day...

and the rest of the week...gotta go meet all my friends...

and catch a movie and have a drink with Alan and Fend at our beloved Esplanade...

haven't seen them in a long while...i mean...i do see them once in a while..but it's just that...we are not that close now...compared to Year 2, where we would hang out everyday...in school...outside school...chat on MSN..and have conference on the phone..

can't wait to see them...

oh...suddenly remember this particular time where the 3 of us with Candy and Eunice went to the Esplanade for a few drinks and wrote messages on a piece of paper and put them into the bottles before throwing them into the smelly river...or sea...i don't know...

ha~don't really remember what wish i made that time...but it was fun...

message in a bottle...i wonder where that bottle has floated to now...

maybe one day i would see it somewhere near some beach...guess i am thinking too much..

ok...gotta find some stuff to do...Good Day ppl...

2004-05-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

ok...shall update this while waiting for Dad to get me dinner...would be having chee cheong fun for dinner...ate too much for the past 2 days with grace and jul...

i can never eat little with these 2 women...shall touch on it later..

oh yeah~...and Dad is getting satay too!

long time since i ate satay...the satay sauce with the rice...

and about eating with grace and jul...we ate damn a lot for the past 2 days...

grace stayed over and jul came over yesterday...

ha!it feels good when you have two best friends who knows how to cook and all you have to do is just to wait for food to be served...

they are good cookers i would say..i mean, for someone like me who fails everytime at cooking...

they cooked cheese rice, chicken poppers, cocktail sausages, the campbell's mushroom and scallop soup, sotong with lots of chilli and last but not least...the fried egg with lots of onions!!!

it was a feast i can tell you...now i really feel much more fatter...

oh yah!and we all drank that Want Want "pau pau guo dong"...really nice...go try it ppl...bubbled jelly drink...

haikz...thank God i went running today...not bad whoa...managed to complete 2.4 K in 15 mins...

i know i know...it's not that big "hu-ha"...but, for someone like me...not bad le...

shall go running everyday to prepare myself for Doom Day...which is coming in 2 weeks time!!

never thought it would be so fast...so many things to do suddenly...

looks like my wish of wanting to be busy has come true...

OOps..shall not anyhow make wishes le...

2004-05-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

i am back!

today was a fruitful day out...

went out with jul to Tampines and Parkway...

oh..before i go on..gotta tell you about this dream i had a few hours ago..

damn funny...

i dreamt that i was with jul and we ordered "sex on the beach"..weird things is, we were choosing the coconut to put the drink in...and more weird, we were actually in a place that looks like CoffeeBean..

think i am going crazy man...what a weird dream...sex on the beach in a coconut husk!

okok..back to the topic of the day...

fruitful trip i had with jul today...

bought a pair of slip-ons from Leather Ark..i love them!Jul chose it...and i love it..nothing could go wrong when Jul chooses something for you.. :P

oops...shoud not praised her so openly..i can imagine her head swelling when she reads this...

oh yah..and Jul finally bought her jeans from Giordano..happy for her..you should have seen her smile whenever she sees the jeans...that kind of smile...

the jeans was nice i must admit...Giordano is getting better i would say...i love the jeans too...but now is just not a good time to invest in one...i would need capital to invest in my hair first...

and where is my paycheck??!!

haiz...i hope the Accounts Department could just be more efficient in giving me money...

just can't wait to trim and highlight my hair...hee hee..

oh yeah~

should tell you all what i ate the whole day today...you would be amazed at my appetite!even jul is suspecting that my stomach has a hole because i kept saying that i was hungry!

here's the menu..

Breakfast...i ate fish porridge...and a garlic bun..and a potato and ham bun..

Lunch...i ate Old Chang Kee's carrot cake..yummy!!...with mango juice from Orange Julius..

Then..me and Jul proceeded on to have Pretzels from Auntie Anne...

And finally...we rested our feet and had Black Forest and a CoffeeBean Triple Decker cake from CoffeeBean...

the cake was damn nice...i guess it was a new cake...it's simply irresitably nice and sinful!

There are 3 layers to the cake..first layer was the Orea cheeecake...second layer was the cheesecake...and the third layer was the coffee mocha...

it's definately worth it!Go try it ppl...no regrets...

now looking back...i don't think i ate that much...this silly jul...keep scolding me for eating so much...

*yawnz*...kind of late now...gotta go to bed soon...nitez ppl..

and one more thing...

To kel,
I know your career is very important to you now..
And i know, being a Taurus, should you decide to go into something..you would put your heart and soul and everything into doing it..
Don't worry about me..
i'll be fine..
just wanted to let you know that..
whatever happens,
you'll have me..
i know i can't help you much..
but i'll always be there..

2004-05-23T15:24:00.000+08:00

when the impossible has happened, there is nothing to stop the possible from happening..

don't get it?it's ok..you are not supposed to..only i am..

ha~

thought of this when i was in the train yesterday on my way home...don't know why...but it just suddenly popped in my mind, so just decided to punch it into my blog..

oh..forgot to mention this..was reading The Sunday Newpaper this morning..particularly Edwin Yeo's column..

he was really damn funny...could actually link the depressed economy with those anti-drug ads and women's breasts..

nice article...go check it out if you could...

think i shall go watch tv now..nothing to do for the whole day today..called grace but as usual, no answer!..jul must be "lost in love" now..and kel, i guess he should be busy..

sigh...it's ok..i am sure the good old TV has something to offer me...

2004-05-22T18:23:00.000+08:00

have not been blogging for a long long time...

was just reading Jul's blog and realised that my last post was like..09th May?

well, have been pretty busy recently...was busy working for the whole week...

And some updates here...

For the past one week..I have been working daily and feeling tired...my pac-net internet service was cut off...i just paid $105.00 for it...my week has been pretty screwed up..i am currently feeling depressed and sad..i just blew $30 on lunch with Boon..just came back from Bugis...and while i was there, i saw my Police interviewer...my medical check-up is next monday...i am now out of job again...and i fucking feeling depressed and sad and screwed with that damn Westlife's song on the earphone...

"If your heart's not in it for real,
please don't try to fake what you don't feel,
if love's already gone,
it's not fair to lead me on,
cause' i would give the whole world for you,
anything you ask of me,
i'll do,
but i won't ask you to stay,
i'll rather walk away,
if your heart's not in it.."

i am really going crazy..and i just gonna type whatever comes on to my mind..cause' i am tired of consolidating my thoughts and thinking...

think think think...think so much also no use...

i am not afraid of committing, not afraid of hardship, not afraid of sadness, not afraid of loneliness, i am not afraid of anything...but one thing, how could i not be afraid when you can't even show me the least? when you can't even show me that you are seriously in it? when you can't even show me the confidence of the relationship, the commitment?

I might be really thinking too much, crapping too much...but i do not request too much...

All i need is a minute out of 24 hours. Is that really too much? Too unreasonable?

I admit i am independent, i have always been. But does that mean that i do not need an assurance?

I am not afraid of putting my heart and soul into something. I do understand that when there are happiness, there are bound to be unhappiness. The higher you climb, the harder you fall. I understand it all too well.

I am not afraid of getting hurt. I am just afraid that you might not feel the same way.

Just like that Westlife song, i could give anything. But, would you feel anything?

I don't feel good. I seriously don't.

If i do, i wouldn't be crying yesterday when Jul sent me a message telling me that i'll always have her shoulder to lean and cry on.

Yes, i cried. It has been a long time since something has upset me so much.

I cried not because of how sweet Jul's message was, though i must admit it was sweet, I cried because i am beginning to wonder if everything is really so true. Could God really be so good to me? Or is this my retribution?

I hope you are not reading this.

I know you are busy with your work and stuff. I know it's important. I know.

If you can't give me a minute out of 24 hours, it's alright then.

Cause' i have already given you my full 24 hours.

I have fears, but worry not, i'll be strong.

I was and i will.

I am in it for real.

2004-05-09T11:59:00.000+08:00

oh yeh~

just remembered something...

I learnt 3 new words today...

damsel in distress..

gallant knight...

and Birthday Suit!!

haha...

and i think kel is really changing me man...was reading The Joy Luck Club yesterday..don't know why also..just felt like doing more reading...

2004-05-09T11:35:00.000+08:00

hey hey...2 days never blog le...

Friday...i was...eh, what was i doing ah?Oh, remember already! Went out for interview at Bugis..and met Jul to discuss some stuff...Ha...my memory still quite good eh...

Saturday...poor me. Spent my whole day at home packing my room. Didn't realise all along that i was living in a room of dust! It was so dusty that i have to wash the cloth so many times...and kept "a-choo-ing"..

I can't blame anyone except myself, though...Who ask me, 2 years never pack my room le..all the lecture notes around..all kinds of paper..clothes..bags...

Oh yah, bags...I think i am having too much of it already..no more space to store them...

Haiz...I am just so glad i cleaned up yesterday...And yeh~..one more good news...I actually found money while cleaning up!Found $5.00 in different places...the feeling was like striking lottery..

So, i am richer by $5.00 eh...

Now, my room is so neat and clean...I feel so happy sleeping in it..hope it remains this way..

And..i packed all Lawrence's things up le...though he says no need to give him back...i think i should...shall send it by Post...hope it's not too heavy...And i know...my two best friends would be reading this and thinking "So sad"...haiz, my friends...i just don't want to see his stuff lying in my house anymore...What's over is over...no point thinking about it..

Anyway, let's move on to another topic...

Was talking to kel last night..poor thing, yesterday gotta sleep in shop cause' today got tournament..

Haiz...hope he can get some good sleep tonight...

And back to me...I am happy for everything now...everything seems to be going well and good in this chapter..

Chapter 6-Hope, Cure, Encouragement, and Enlistment..

2004-05-06T11:19:00.000+08:00

Somethings, i'll rather not know...

Today, i would be stronger than i am yesterday. Trust me.

2004-05-05T11:56:00.000+08:00

Was talking to Grace a few moments ago...

Talked about my new chapter..and standing up after you have fallen. I was telling her that one might not have the courage and all to stand up again after a fall. And she went on telling me that everyone will stand up, just a difference of how long.

I asked her why. She replied, "we all know we must stand up".

Yupz, she hit the point. We must all stand up after falls.

Never say never to yourself. Even if you do, it's because you knew that you would stand up one day.

No one is born with the ability to stand up after each fall. We all learn by the way, the hard way. And one day, we would all look back and know that it wasn't that difficult afterall.

Falls are there to show how much stronger and further we can go, it's never meant to pull you down. Don't make it one.

Shall be off to my interview soon...wish me luck! Raining outside right now, so i shall be off to the clouds..

2004-05-05T06:31:00.000+08:00

today..brand new day...

haha...that's what i said everyday...

but no kidding around le...really have got to find a job to stable myself, financially and emotionally...i need a place to be and things to do in order not to sink into depression...

let's see in a few hours what new hope The Straits Times can offer me. Don't know what got into me, suddenly woke up so early. And i didn't sleep early last night, only slept at like 1am.

Talking about yesterday, didn't do much either. Tried hunting for jobs and all they could tell me is "we'll get back to you".

As what kiri said, this is the best and very proven method of getting rid of interviewees. I must agree.

Talking about yesterday, we went to watch Beautiful Boxer. Not bad whoa...can't really remember what exactly what they said...but i do remember something like this, "play the game with your heart".

It's pretty true. Look not on what is outside but rather, the inside, the heart. For it is the heart that will bring you far.

Enough said, i am off to the sun..

2004-05-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

today is yet another jobless day. I just can't take it anymore. What's with the economy? Here i am waiting to be employed and no one wants me..haiz...

Been thinking about quite a few things since last night.

Oh, last night. Went to Jalan Besar CC to be a ear-candling model for my Auntie. Besides clearing my ears, i get paid too. Not bad huh, pay you to enjoy. Spent my evening there before running after bus no. 14, only to realise that the bus was damn packed. I know, i know, should wear my specs more often. No way man..it would just make me look "toot".

And back to the topic, was thinking about some stuff on the bus yesterday.

Thoughts from "chapter 6"...
"Life is but a book full of chapters..
I have only completed 5 chapters so far...
More to go and more to come...
Sometimes i wonder,
if this would be my last chapter?
To be frank,
i am afraid.
Who wouldn't, especially when you have fallen hard on the cold concrete ground.
I am not afraid of falling,
just afraid that i might no longer have the courage, the faith, and the energy
to rise on my own.
Previous falls are hurtful,
and it has taken me everything to stand up.
What if i fall now?
Could i still go on to write chapter 7?
If chapter 6 is about hope, cure and encouragement,
then what will chapter 7 be?
I reserve my views.
I am not afraid of something,
just afraid that there would be nothing."

2004-05-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

Went to visit my grandma in the afternoon. So long never see her le, kind of miss her.

Looking at the sudden increase of wrinkles on her face, it suddenly struck me there and then that she has really grown old.

Gone were the days when she took care of me, told me to drink plain water everyday, and cooked those delicious steamed egg. Not forgetting the fact that she often switches on the TV at 3 pm sharp to watch the drama serial with me(at that time, SBC only starts at 3!) and falls asleep at 8pm while leaving the TV on. I could never forget her getting me to eat dinner at 4.30 pm daily.

My grandma, she has definately changed part of my childhood.

Talking to her today...lots of memories came back...I do miss her, just that i have not realised it.

I remember telling myself that i must support her when she grows old. I have grown up, but just could not support her the way i want to. It's a regret i would say. Very lost for words now...

Though money makes the world go round, i doubt it would make her world go round. Looking at her talking, it just occured to me that there are some things that money can't buy. Time and love.

So people out there reading this, all it takes is a simple smile, a simple message, a simple "how are you" to let them know that you care.

Now, for something less serious...

While on my way to visiting grandma, passed by the PA. Whoa, first time there. Wonder what will happen to me there in a few months time. But that's not the main thing. Main thing is...a few distance away, i saw a collapsed tree on the road. But that's not the main thing too. Main thing is, i saw a police officer holding an axe, chopping the trunk (i suppose it's called a trunk huh?).

Suddenly, i just felt funny. Don't know why. And my mum just went on to tell me "next time you also must chop trees huh?"

Not funny anymore.

Haiz..speaking which, my mum was pretty funny yesterday. After we left grandma's house and was heading towards chinatown, we passed through Little India, and my mum just said, "there are so many indians here..because it's near Little India.."

Don't know what to say man, even my mum is becoming weirder.

Oh, must tell you ppl this. Yesterday, i went to this Japanese Bakery at Chinatown (forgotten its name le), the onion bread was damn nice...check it out if you ppl can...just near the mrt exit at People's Park Complex..

Shall end here...

2004-05-02T21:17:00.000+08:00

Thoughts..

some things in life,
no right or wrong,
some paths in life,
no left or right..

some people we know,
we might not really know,
some people we hate,
we might not know why,

someone we love,
we might know,
someone who loves you,
have you realised?

"love actually"

2004-05-02T11:28:00.000+08:00

whoa...brand new day...happy day...

was talking to fendrick and alan on the phone last night...long time never talk like that le. I kinda miss the both of them, their crapping and all other rubbish. And yesterday's conversation was especially fun as we talk about the yearbook, yes the yearbook, or rather the 100 pages of A4 photocopied 80 grams paper? Whichever way, the fact is that i have paid $15.00 for that and nothing's gonna change that fact. Damn!

But i did make the yearbook kind of worth it, i could see my own photos appearing 8 times in the A3 sized class page. Was supposed to be a good thing huh, but it's just kind of bored to see a picture of yourself appearing next to another picture of yourself. And did i forget to mention that every page of the Happy Hours section has my photo? Oops..

Nevertheless, it's over. Nothing's gonna change the fact that i paid $15.00 for it.

Gonna be on my way to see grandma soon, shall be back later in the night.

And, yes, nothing's gonna change the fact that i paid $15.00 for it.

I wasn't trying to make a point. It was a fact.

2004-05-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

whoa...what a great day today...just came back from having dinner at Pasir Ris Park, Fishermen's Village..

The food there is still as nice as ever...Yummy!Think it has been about a year since i last went there...the food, the tables, the atmosphere...everything is still as much the same as ever...except maybe for the smaller coconuts...Nevertheless, i had a great time...

There was this singer there who sang a pretty cute song...did not really remember much of the lyrics, but i do remember her singing "knock 3 times"...lalala...ha!It sounded nice...but now...i just could not get the song back to my head...

Anyway, the song is not the main topic! The food is! I had fried rice, fried kailan, stingray, Big Prawns that costs $5.00 each (just don't get why it is so expensive, the store's lady kept on saying that the prawns are from Kelong and they are special..but $5.00??).

And not forgetting to pay tribute to the good old sour lime juice. It did it's job well by cooling my throat. The chilli in the stingray was damn hot, but thank God, lime juice was there..

Now, sitting in front of my comp, i feel like a pig. So full...but i am a happy pig...haha..

Haiz..for some unknown reasons, this song has been singing in my head for the past few hours..

"Baby, I'm too lost in you...
Caught in you...
Lost in everything about you..
So deep, I can't sleep...
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)...
I'm too lost in you..."

Haha.. "Love Actually"

Byee...i am off to the moon..

2004-05-01T13:21:00.000+08:00

Off to the Sun~

Was talking to st|n last night on IRC..fun person to talk to...could talk to him about everything from the horning of the bus drivers to the art of peeing in NS..haha...had not chatted so happily for a long time liao...

everyone seems to be missing after exams. Nah, i think it was before the exams. And now everyone is nowhere to be found. Maybe they have gone to Mars or Venus le bah, and might have forgotten that they have left me in Earth. Gosh, it all sounded so "Geography"...I still prefer the subject "History" though...as long as you memorise well enough, confirm can pass..

Haiz..what happened to me? All of a sudden about geography and history...

-change of topic-
Jul is looking for a first hand 7250I. Without contract, preferably. So, anyone out there, do drop me a msg if you have such "lobangs".I think she really wants that phone. And i am helping her to get the phone for 3 reasons.

First, we could have the same phone.This is not very important though. Secondly, her handphone's keypad is having a insensitive problem, and repairing it would cost like $100. So, i guess it's time to change huh. And third, if she does not get the phone, i would have to walk all round Singapore shops looking for that phone with her. It's no small deal...i came back with a muscle-ache that day. I wouldn't want to re-live that nightmare.

So help her, erm..no no, help me.

Labour day today...but not much diff to me, i am neither working nor studying. So for all those working people out there, do enjoy your day, your special day~

Was watching the Hongkong Awards a few moments ago. Come to think of it, pretty sad huh. 4 talented people of the movie industry in Hongkong are gone. Haiz, just make me feel that i should treasure people ard me more.

Oh, and today is Alan's birthday! Happy birthday! Messaged him at about 2 plus last night, and this guy just messaged me back "thank you...haiz...".I messaged him back "why haiz?..i am innocent..".

Don't know what's wrong with him also. Maybe it's because i did not turn up for his birthday bah..But you can't blame me too, i was down with a high fever. Nevertheless, i guess he is just...haiz...

Don't know what to say about him too...he seems troubled nowadays...always having that gloomy face. Wanted to ask him why, but i doubt he would tell me. So, my friend, if you are reading this (i doubt you are), say it out..don't keep it inside your heart. Too much "fan nau" no good for health.

Guess i shall end here le, gotta think of where to go later...Maybe Katong for laksa and tau kua pok, maybe Chinatown for dumplings and yong tau hu, maybe...don't know liao..

Shall come back later in the night to tell you where i went...

Till then, i am off to the Sun..

2004-04-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

Lonely night accompanied by shining starz

Was watching the 7 pm show on channel 8 just now, "fei yi ban ma ma"..nice show. And i just simply could not get the "bring us back" song out of my head, it's singing in my head..Nice song, meaningful lyrics, good tune, what more can you ask for?

Come to think of it, i actually spent my whole day at home watching tv and sleeping. Haiz, it's bad being sick. Can't wait to be healthy again..

Oh, channel 5 was showing one of it's print-to-screen shows, the BluePrints series. I think the title today was "chase". Nice show, i remember the guy from the hole of the door telling the other guy that "she is gorgeous but that does not mean that you love her, maggie cheung is gorgeous but i do not love her". You should get the point huh? If you don't, it's ok, someday you will.

And watching that show suddenly makes me ponder about writing a story, a good and touching love story. But, nevermind, it's ok. I might start writing someday somewhere, when i finally have a good touching love story worthy of being shared.

Till then, nitez. I am off to the moon...

2004-04-30T13:49:00.000+08:00

bored bored...

went to the doctor at 8.30 this morning for my fever and bodyache. The medicine he gave me seems to work well. Hope i'll get better in 2 days time, or else i'll have to go back to him. The doctor was telling me that it's a common cold but it could also be the beginning of other illnesses like dengue fever. Whoa, when the doctor first told me about "other illnesses", my first thought was SARS! I guess the fever is getting on me..

So, i guess i am gonna spend my whole day at home resting and drinking lots of plain water.

And one good news! The doctor took my weight just now and told me that i have lost weight! Haha, a blessing in disguise huh?

Was reading Juliet's blog a few moments ago, this gal can really "blog" and "blog" man. Anyday anytime.

Haiz, got to go rest soon...shall be back!

2004-04-29T20:50:00.000+08:00

Fever Day

haiz...what a bad day today...was supposed to go for 2 interviews but could not make it. All because i was running a high fever, 39 degrees! That was pretty high. So, in the end, i spent all my time at home resting and finding consolence in Good Old Panadol. They really do work well!

It has been a long time since i fell ill. And i mean really ill. What's happening to me? Maybe i am becoming weaker huh?

And it is damn saddening man,waking up every morning knowing that you are jobless. I am officially unemployed! Come people, please hire me. I can't wait to earn money so that i could go shopping. The last time i shopped was like 3 months ago...terrible. I am missing out on one of life's pleasure.

Gosh, the fever is getting on me again. Can't really write well now, so do forgive me for the grammer and vocab errors, it was on purpose and done intentionally. Just kidding lah, even though i am sick, i am still mentally sound and could think straight.

Was just reading Jul's blog a few moments ago, gosh, this gal here can really "blog" a lot...so many posts in a day, and i bet you that my name appeared at least 5 times. But not a bad thing huh, at least i am deeply remembered by her.

And this just brings me to my conversation on the phone with Fendrick yesterday. He asked me out to watch movie, i think it was called Husky and something. Don't really remember, but nevermind, that's not the point. The point is i asked him the question, what if one day i disappear, would he know that i have disappeared? Or would he not even know that i have disappeared? I went on to ask if he would even remember who i am 10 years down the road.

Women are troublesome, asking these kind of questions all the time. And i am of no exception. i do ask, but once in a blue moon, so i am not that troublesome.

Back to the topic, i did not remember what he exactly told me. But could remember him saying "bu hui lah", will not happen lah.

Haiz, i wonder if there are some truth in them. Not that i do not have confidence in him, but it's just that my friends in poly have disappointed me too much for me to trust in them. How to? When 10 out of 10 do not even remember your birthday?

Sometimes, it's just so unfair. But then again, nothing's fair in life.

I do not need fancy gifts or presents from them. All i need is for them to know that i do have my falls in life too, i do not need much attention, just a simple message that comes from the heart. A simple shoulder to lie on.

What's the point of saying it now anyway? My fever is running high and only Juliet, Mummy and Lawrence knows.

And i think i forgot to mention something, nope, 2 things.

First, i am officially challenging ah Qin's highest Puzzle Bobble's score. Watch out ah!

And secondly, Grace have changed. I don't know why. But she is just changed.

That's all, folks. Think i am gotta see the doctor.

2004-04-28T11:21:00.000+08:00

And I am still kind of tired today. But, gotta save up all my energy for later, will be having an important interview. Gosh, butterflies in my stomach! Arghh…wish me luck.

I need all the luck in the world!!!

Shall come back later to blog…

2004-04-28T11:19:00.000+08:00

Whoa, was so damn tired yesterday to blog. So shall blog about what I did yesterday first..

Went out with Juliet in the afternoon to go to TP’s gym. It was pretty crowded in there, lots of guys. So, we just ran on the threadmill and did some muscle training before heading for the shower. I borrowed the Organics shampooo from Juliet, and it smelled so nice…I am kind of in love with that shampoo, only if it does not bring me dandruff..

The weather was so hot yesterday, but thank God, the cold shower helped. And sweet little Juliet gave me a key tag with my name on it…

After which, we went to Mcdonald’s to eat the Fillet-O-Fish meal, it was just simply delicious! Haven’t had that for a long long time.

We were really like pigs yesterday. After McDonald’s, we went to Coffee Bean for a cuppa drink and the “Chocolate of a Thousand Leaves” cake. Though it was damn sinful, it was damn nice! Sins aside, I simply love the cake!

Haha, the rest of the day was spent on walking around Tampines. Tired I may be, but walking around with Juliet does makes things better…we could talk about everything under the Big Sun…

2004-04-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

Second Post for the Day

Was talking to Lawrence awhile ago on the phone, this guy here was so sweet. He told me over the phone to take "yu gan you", so that i'll be healthier and stronger. He's always like that, sweet at the right time.

And, another piece of good news. I found my Primary School in Friendster!!Gosh, just cannot believe it man! After searching like a wild goose for so long, they came to find me! Haha, you really can't blame me for being so excited. Who wouldn't?

and one more thing, i have 104 friends now. I am gonna keep on adding so that i'll have more friends than Grace. Oops, you aren't reading this, aren't you?

2004-04-27T00:45:00.000+08:00

Where can I move, in what direction should I head to, when all good things come to an end?
All good things would come to an end, it’s just a matter of where and when.

And we all have to move on, in good times or bad.

It’s just all of a sudden that I felt so lost. Being in school for the past 3 years was something so certain I have to do everyday. When it finally ended last Saturday, I was suddenly left wondering where should I head to now.

Just like standing in the midst of a cross road junction, among all other people and cars who are moving fast, I seem to be the only one standing.

I know, for a fact, that I am not alone. Somehow, the fact that you are not alone does not seems to make matters better.

And I am left wondering if what I wanted all along was what I really wanted. Could I be missing out on people and other more significant stuff in life?

Maybe yes maybe no…I’ll know in time to come. Meanwhile, I shall just let things go naturally. What is meant to be, will be. What is not meant to be, someday we’ll know why.

So, I have decided, I am gonna take a rest. I really need one, for all the running and trying and everything, I need a break from life, from everything, everyone.Yes, a good long rest before embarking on a longer journey ahead of me. And when that time comes, I promise that I’ll live each day better than yesterday.

2004-04-26T15:26:00.000+08:00

stole this quiz from a friend...check it out...

1. Body: Sleep with or without clothes on?
with clothes...

2. Prefer black or blue pens?
blue i think...makes me happier...

3. Dress up on Halloween?
i would love to...but it's just not worth to do it in Singapore anyway...few people around me actually celebrates it...in fact, i bet there must be a handful who hasn't even heard of it...

4. Like to travel?
yup...if only i have all the money in the world...

5. Like someone?
nope...

6. Does he/she know?
-

7. Sleep on your side?
think so...

8. Think you're attractive?
i would love to think so..but ppl out there might not agree...but who cares?i am ATTRACTIVE!

9. Want to marry?
hee..yupz..

10. Who?
you will know when the time comes...

11. Are you a good student?
nope...i am lazy and lazy...and i often spend so much time on food and TV that studying is often at the bottom of the list...

12. Are you currently in a relationship?
you to find out..me to know...

13. Are you involved in sports?
if you consider running and going to gym as sport...

14. Birthplace?
Sunny Singapore!

15. Christmas or Halloween?
Christmas! love and joy...and presents!

16.Colored or black-and-white photo?
coloured...what's a picture without colours?

17. Do long distance relationships work?
i think so...if everyone in the relationship commits to it...

18. Do you believe in astrology?
Not for me...

19. Do you believe in God?
Yupz..."shine jesus shine...fill this land with the Father's glory.."

20. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope...unless it happens to me...

21. Do u consider urself the life of the party?
nope...but rather, the party of life...

22. Do you drink?
Yupz...but not a good drinker...

23. Do you have a car?
sadly, NO...

24. Do you have a confider?
yupz...Grace....

25. Do you make fun of people?
all of the time...

26. Do you think dreams eventually come true?
if you work hard at achieving it....no pain no gain...

27. Fave thing to do?
watching TV...and eating...

28. Fave breakfast food?
plain teochew porridge with salted egg....beauty in simplicity...

29. Fave Candy?
i don't really like eating them...and in case you don't know, i hate LOLLIPOPs...

30. Fave Vacation spot?
not the place that matters, but the company...

31. Favorite body part of the opposite/same sex:
Opposite sex: hands!
Same sex: butts...

32. Favorite cartoons?
plenty...Bob the Builder, The Powerpuff Girls...

33. Go to the movies or rent?
Movies...rent at times though...and when all means fail, you will always have the pirated VCDS...

34. Have you ever moved?
nope...

35. Have you ever stolen anything (from a store)
yup...who doesn't?

36. How's the weather right now?
Sunny and hot!

37. Hug or kiss?
Hugs....

38. Last person you talked to on the phone?
My aunt...

39. Last time you showered?
1 hour ago..

40. Loud or soft music?
Soft..

41. McDonalds or Burger King?
That's my McDonald's!

42. More romantic; baths or showers?
More romantic? Baths...

43. Night or day?
Night...

44. Number of Pillows?
1 and only...

45. Piano or guitar?
I play none...but piano i suppose..it's more soothing to the ears...

2004-04-25T12:33:00.000+08:00

today...a brand new beginning...a brand new chapter...

i know, as it goes on, things would be harder...

but i also know that i'll would be stronger and better than yesterday

yesterday is but a chapter of experiences and lessons that shall remain with me...not for bad reasons but to remind me how blessed i am today and the days ahead...

i am contended with what i have...but i know i have to move on, even during happy times...

i might have been weird, bad, wicked, selfish, black-hearted, evil in the past...

but from this fresh new day onwards, i am gonna try my best to be a better person...

2004-04-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

this is a link to pictures of a 7 star hotel...i simply love the place...but too bad...too expensive...think it would cost up to US$10,000 for a presidential suite and the cheapest hotel room is US$1000 plus...do check it out...you would wish to be rich...

http://elearning.ksut.edu.tw/knowledge/Burj.htm

2004-04-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

I have finally closed a chapter of my life, walked part of the journey and now am embarking on a fresh new road.

What lies ahead is a route full of challenges, maybe happiness, maybe sadness…

Good or bad, we’ll know when the time comes…

To the people I know…

To Boon, though I have never said it, you made my last few months at TP worthwhile and treasurable. You have taught me the many lessons of life…the true meaning of friendship and the happiness of giving and sharing…Thanks for being a part of that all…

To Carrie, you have taught me the real meaning of “Open marriage”, and I am thankful for that. You make me see life and the world in a different angle I never knew. And did I ever tell you that you are one person I would want to spend my time talking to?

To Kiri, you always make me ponder, I don’t know why. Your words are always there to make sense, to show your thoughts and feelings…Good or bad comments, you often make good sense to me.

To Grace, talking to you is one of the blessings in the world. I know you will always be there. And though we are both busy with our own stuff, I know that we are just seperated and not apart.

To Juliet, seeing you makes my day. Although going out with you often makes me broke, I do cherish the times I spent with you. You make me feel like I could eat all the food in the world with you and talk about everything in life with you.

To Fendrick, it feels good being your fling and hot date!

To Edwin Yeo, trust me man…I really do like you. I am, in fact, a big fan of yours. You are the reason why I always wake up early on Sunday mornings to rush down to the 7-11 to get a copy of the Sunday New Paper so that I could read your column. This is of course, despite my love for the chatlines advertisement and polyphonic ringtones advertisements which takes about ¼ of the paper.

To the people of FHM, I do appreciate the “100 greatest games”…it was one of the best games I have ever played…

To Tp, I am gonna miss the printer…

To ILaw Chambers, my second home…beyond words…

To Lawrence, Thanks for everything…you made everything possible and nicer and better and greater…Thanks for being so understanding and for staying by me for the past few years. It has not been easy and I am glad that I have you by my side…

To GOD, thanks for making everything possible…

To all the people whom I have missed out…it was on purpose and intentionally…

The chapter that I have just closed is a long one. Nevertheless, it has filled me with memories that I will definitely bring to the future with me.

I do treasure all the moments in this chapter, both good and bad. It was through all these moments that I have learned to love, learnt to give, learnt to be a better person, learnt to accept people…

2004-04-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

BONDS..

Everyone,every animal and every other relation we make at the beginning of a time is the beginning chapter of a story.This chapter,unlike any other,is one that stays in my heart happily and painfully.

Seconds,days and months are fast clicking away,
No one knows what would happen the next minute or next second,
So treasure the ones beside you now,
Don’t wait till you don’t have a chance to see them,
Touch them,
Feel them,
Hear them,
To realise that the pain is there when they are not around you.

Don’t give yourself a chance to be regretful coz you never should have done something regretful at the first place.

Once a bond is created,it is hard or I would say,impossible to break,
Because bonds are circles of love and they should never be broken.
Never put your bond with person in hearts because hearts are meant to be physical pretty and easily broken.
A bond with someone need not be physically pretty because love itself is not born to be pretty,
It is born to be neverending,
Just like a circle,
Going on and on even though that person is not by your side.

Every two persons,two animals,a person and an animal could form a bond,
Bonds are meant to be strong and durable,
However only the ones that form the bond has the power to weaken it,
When it is weaken,
Take every chance to strengthen it and never let go,
Because if you do not,
This bond would be lost in the air,
in tears,
in the rain,
and in your own hands.

I have let someone inportant in my life go,
I regreted it,I am regreting it and I would still regret it endless seconds,minutes,and days in my life.

But I remember something,
The only way to remember someone is to put her in your circles of bonds and think of her every now and then,
This love and bond is much more powerful than keeping her in your heart and seeing her everyday.

(specially delicated to my 2 mth old puppy,Floral
I won’t and will never try to forget you because you have brought to me short but endless happiness that I would bring along with me no matter where i go
I loved you and I still do,always…)

2004-04-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

time would heal all wounds...

people often say...

i used to agree readily...it's afterall the best form of consolation for self and others...

that was what i would say to people who came to me broken-hearted...

in fact, i think i have said it so often that i do not ponder about the meaning within...

i think i do know the meaning of it...

i think i do...

time would heal all wounds...

it would, eventually...

everybody does...

difference is, how long?

i used to think that it would probably take me a long time...

but come to think of it...

it actually takes a pretty short time for wounds to heal..

time would eventually heal all wounds within...

difference is would how you look at the scar that was left behind by the healing?

if you look at the scar as a painful reminder of the past,

no matter what you do, the pain would always remain...

no matter how well the wound has healed, your unforgivingness would always prick on the wounds...

if you could just look at the scar...

and close that chapter of your life...

and forgive him and yourself...

the scar would still remain but it would hurt no more...

moral of the story?

i don't know...up to you to interpret it...

for me, i have decided to close the long old chapter...

i have not forgotten...i just merely moved on to write a better chapter...

i know, chapter 6 would always be better than chapter 5...

no pain no gain...

2004-04-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

recently...i just found out that i do not cry that easily now...

could it be the reason that i am numb towards everything around me? or is it just that i have forgotten how it was to cry? or could it be that i have all long been crying ?

sometimes i could really wonder at myself...the things i do...the things i think about...does it really make sense? does it even carries with itself a meaning?

people often do things for a meaning, or for a reason...i suppose...

what if one day i were to wake up to find that what i have been doing has no reason or meaning at all?

would i then be non-existent? or would i then realise that i have to find a "meaning"?

why do we have to put a meaning to everything? why do we have to learn the meaning of life?

why? why do i keep asking "why"?

is it because i have lost my "meaning" in life? or is it because i have found my "meaning" in life?

~the past could never be erased...but the future could always be changed~

2004-04-24T23:42:00.000+08:00

everyone has to move on...
sometime somewhere...
it's just a matter of where and when...

don't be afraid of losing your way...
because everyone does...
what matters most is that we learnt along the way...

not only do we need to learn how to take the right route...
we would also need to learn to walk our own route...

coz' it is only through our own route that we would come cross a path
which would lead us to the road of forgetting, forgiving and renewal...

it's ok if it does not make sense now...
i don't really get it too...
but i know,
some day, some time,
i'll know...

2004-04-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

unforgettable are the times we share..
unforgivable are the mistakes we made...

sometimes i wonder...
if breaking up was the best thing that has happened...
with more downs than ups, maybe that was the most logical thing to do...
and maybe the most heartbroken decision made...

when you grow old one day...
would you be telling your grandchildren our love story?
the story that has been through so much but only to end in the end...

would you still remember me?
would you still remember telling me that you wanted to grow old with me?

i don't know what's your answer...
for me?
i guess i'll never want to know...

2004-04-24T23:39:00.000+08:00

Life is precious yet vulnerable...

sometimes i wonder...is life precious because it is vulnerable or is it so precious that we are vulnerable?

either way...i don't know what kind of sense i am making....

at times in life...you can be so clear about what you need, what you want...but another moment, you could be wondering about what you really want and what you really need?

we often spend so much time persuing things and stuff which we thought are necessary and important. but when you have it right there with you or in your hands, you start to ponder if that was really what you wanted.

maybe this quote which i have read of a postcard would be appropriate here.."i wept because i had no shoes, until i saw a man with no feet"...

we often put material things as our first priority in life...like a brand new handphone...the latest design of GUCCI bag...even studying...

when would we as human ever realise that we are at level zero spiritually?when would we ever realise that there are some things that money and time can't buy?

we are often busy persuing this persuing that....but when will we ever sit down and think for a while what it would feel like doing something that would benefit people?

but then again...we are not to be blame for all this...why should we?this is how society have moulded us...to put studies and future earning capacity as first priority...

maybe we did think of how we could benefit people and society...but in another direction...in a direction that studying more would get you a better job which would in turn allow you to contribute to society and benefit people...

but that contribution would only benefit you physically...just like a circle, you contribute to society, economy improves,more jobs are created, higher spending power of people, more people are spending, more people are engaging services, you get your bonuses, and the circle goes round again...

how much satisfaction could you get?the satisfaction of helping economy grow?

would you get the same satisfaction that you get from helping people who are helpless?

but then again, if you do not contribute to society, society would not improve and help people who are helpless...

i am kind of lost for words now...

bye.

2004-04-24T23:36:00.000+08:00

some things in life,
when you see it,
you knew it would belong to you one day.

some things which you have lost,
and never found,
you knew it was never meant to be.

some things when lost and found,
there's always a complicated feeling.

Complicated because you have grieved for the lost of it,
and embarked on a new journey to search for another,
but somehow, the lost one would always be back to haunt you.

and between old and new,
we would always choose the old.
not because the new is not as good as the old,
but because the old would always have something that we are missing.
something that would always hold us back to where we belong.

2004-04-24T23:35:00.001+08:00

it does not matter how much you have gone through,
how much you have been through,

what matters most is how much you have changed me,
how much you have given to me,
and how much you have tried.

it's not the amount that matters,
but the heart and the feelings that counts.

even if you have given a small bit,
that small bit have gone far for me...

2004-04-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

can't find a good place to pour out my feelings,

can't find a person who truly understands,

sometimes i wonder, if having a person by your side is so tough?

2004-04-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

if i could delicate a song to you...

it would be fan weiqi's "qi chen"...

i don't know why, i don't how..

here i am again...

even though i went on rattling on how i'm gonna move on...

i kept moving in circles...

round and round here i come...

round and round here i go...

i am still around you...

maybe i was touched by the story of "ai qing bai pi shu"...

the love between gua ju and chen mei...

just reminded me of us...

you were always so cool about stuff...

so cool when i said to remain friends...

so cool when you saw me...

so cool when talking...

sometimes it makes me wonder if that coolness was real or fake...

you seem a strong person...

to others to many..

but to me, you were always so calm and soft...

i have nothing much to say...

just lots of feelings waiting for a place to pour out..

but i just could not put it to words...

i don't know why..

i wonder why...

maybe what we had was beyond words...

maybe i am thinking too much...

2004-04-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

~You said that even if the whole world is gone, you will be there...

~My world was gone when you left...

~Ironic it seems, you made that promise when you loved me and broke it when you left me...

~Heartbroken i was but where were you?

~Promises were meant to be fufilled but always broken...

~Hearts were meant to be loved but always broken...

~Love was meant to be everlasting but always short-lived...

~You were meant for me but was always not there...

~So was i meant for you?

2004-04-24T23:26:00.000+08:00

“yong you de” might not be the best, but at the least it belonged to you…

“shi qu de” might be the best, but it no longer belongs to you…

Why hold on to the “shi qu de” and not try to find one to “yong you”?

Why wait till you lose someone to realise that he means the whole world to you?

But then again, if you do not lose that person, you would never realise how important he is to you…

Someone asked me today what is love.

I did not think twice and replied “I don’t know”.

I might never will.

Will you?

2004-04-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

To you,I am just one of those
One kind of beautiful rose
For you I shed my thorns
But you appreciate the thorns
For it meant another excitement
But to me,it’s another requirement

2004-04-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

It is always good to realise that...

sometime, somewhere, somehow...

there is someone out there loving you...

no matter where you are, how far you have been…

But often, we look too far for that person...

What seems to be furthest might be the nearest afterall...

I looked so far beyond that i nearly lost you among the crowd...

But it is also the same crowd that made me realised that you were there all along...

Just waiting..perhaps a little of hestitating...perhaps a little of this and that...

But definately a good one that caught my heart, not for how i present myself but for the real me within...

Thanks for everything Dear...

You made me see the world differently...

and changed my world by bringing colours into it...

2004-04-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

~wu tiao jian wei ni fang qi dan du de lui chen~
what ended forever is our friendship...

but what started at the beginning of an end
is a new love we share...

a road hand in hand together...

through stormy and sunny weathers, i hope...

through ups and downs, i pray...

i don't know how long it would last...

but i certainly hope for forever...

i know i am not certain of the road ahead...

and i know you are not too...

but i suppose fate lets 2 parallel lines meet for a reason...

be it good or bad...

i know it would have been worth it...

2004-04-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

What is meant to be will always be...
we were meant to be...
but also meant not to be...
i know i know...
the sun would always shine after that day...
the dark rainy clouds will soon be gone...
but since that day...
the clouds were never gone...
the sun still shines but never the same again...
the rainbow never appeared again...
and the rain was never gone...
i did not know when..i did not know how...
but it just erased me away...far away from you...
things are the same but never in the same way again...
you are still the same person who loved me so much...
but we are never the same way we used to be...
and i could never hold your hand the same way in the rain...

2004-04-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

If after waiting for so long…
that someone still do not feel the same way that you do…
maybe it’s time to let go…
but whenever you try to…
things just do not work out the way you want them to…
and when you finally thought that you had done it…
it is when you realised that he had already taken your heart away…
and it hurts realising that he meant everything to you but you meant nothing to him…nothing more than a friend…
maybe even lesser than a friend…
but what’s more heart breaking is to know that you aren’t even meant to be friends at the first place…

2004-04-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

What is lost is lost
But somehow, we just love to hold on to it,
Hold on to something that has past us by,
Something that used to be precious but not now,
Something that used to mean everything but nothing now

2004-04-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken lines…

2004-04-24T22:38:00.000+08:00

This is one touching story that I watched on a taiwanese program,true story…

A couple was supposed to meet each other on a year’s valentines’s day.the gal was so happy about celebrating their first valentine’s day together that she even bought a present and arrived on time…

It was time and the guy appeared without a present in hand…

The gal was angry that he was not even taking such a important day seriously.A quarrell soon started and the gal left in a moment of anguish…

A few days past and there was not at all a sign of contact from each other.the gal reflected and was regretful that she vented her angry on what was not that important afterall…

A few more days past and she tried contacting the guy by phone but to no avail…

She even stood at his house junction the whole day so as to catch a glimpse of him and talk to him…

Waiting and waiting but to no reply…he absolutely did not step in or out of his house…

All of a sudden,she felt that he seems to have vanished…

Several attempts to call and e-mail him, even calling his friends was to no avail…even his friends did not know where he was…

The gal was sad and depressed and more importantly, worried about his safety…and she deeply regrets what she has done,but she knew she could not turn back time…

When all contacts to the guy seems to have been lost, she realised at this moment that the guy have been sending her e-mails, asking her to take good care of herself and never give up hope of living well…

With these, the gal felt more worried…the guy seems to have vanished from the surface of the earth but yet…so many e-mails were sent to her by him…

All the questions coming from within but not a single hint of answer at all…
Just at that point of time, there was a tv programme that could help audiences to look for people…when everything seems so hopeless, the programme seems to have offered a strong yet frail sight of hope…

The gal knew she could not let go of it and contacted the producers of the show…

The day finally came when the guy and the gal were supposed to meet, after the producers have tried all means and ways to contact the family…

She was filmed telling the hosts of the show that she was going to apologise to him about all the anguish over the ‘not-so-important’ quarrells…

However, instead of the guy turning up, the gal could only see the brother at the filming scene…

The gal started breaking down…

But all tears and questions soon came to a halt when the brother told the gal why the guy was not in contact with her…

He said that the guy had passed away when he met with an accident 2 days after Valentine’s Day. He died when he was hit by a vehicle driven by a drunk driver. All the e-mails that she have been receiving were sent by his family to hide the fact from her and to make her forget about him and move on…

She broke down immediately…

And never had a second chance to tell him that she was sorry and most importantly, the 3 words ‘I love you’…

For all of you out there, why hold back something you can say today to tomorrow? You might never have a second chance to say it…

And if all quarells between you and your loved one seems unavoidable, it is however, preventable…

Sometimes, all it takes is just a little step back to make things better…to make love sweeter, to make ‘us’ more treasurable…

2004-04-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

I miss you
But would you be missing me the same way I miss you?
I miss all the stuff we did together
All the routes we took together
And all the fights and the chemistry we shared
I may be missing all that have passed me by
Most of all
I miss the way you touched my heart by saying nothing at all
The way you held me up high that I felt like on top of the world

All the love in the world takes courage
I have all the courage to leave you
But none to tell you I need you back in my life
Back to where we belong
Back to how we used to be
I have waited and still waiting for courage to find me
But to no avail

I guess I really need courage to bring me to you
To let you bring me to a brighter day
But looking at how fate twisted us round
I guess courage will never come to me
Maybe some things are just not meant to be
Maybe we are just not meant to be
And maybe one day
I would just be waiting at the starting point for you

2004-04-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

people take wrong directions all the time..
if not,how do we ever realise our mistakes..
and make better choices..
late it might be for your life so far,
but it is never too late for your life ahead..
maybe through wrong directions,
you made the wrong choices..
but does it mean that through the right directions,
you would always make the right choices?
if everything seems like a big trial..
hold on to your faith..
for at least,you had a chance to live a choice..

2004-04-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

when u have taken so much heart and soul to love someone only to see him leave in the easiest yet heart-breaking manner,that does not make things simple at all...especially when u thought that person is your ending point,your everything,your whole world...when he suddenly leaves,unlike schoolwork where hard work always reap good results,it does not work the same here...

some love stories can never be forgotten or erased as and when u want to...it's afterall something to do with emotions...frankly saying,who can control their own emotions well?no one...feelings come and go as they like…there is no solution for it...not like a maths problem...

most times,people just need some time to forgive and forget...forgiving is easy but forgetting is never near simple...

how long each person takes varies...it's not like u could give yourself a time limit or expiry date for memories and sorrow,afterall it's like a death of part of your heart...

2004-04-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

to fall in love is always easy
to start a relationship is always simple...
to build it, is always tough...
to maintain it, is 'better said than done'...
to break off, is 'easier said than done'...
to remain friends after u broke off, is never possible...
to forget the memories is 'always doing but never succeeding'...
to heal the pain within is hard and tough and never near simple...
but one has to try to heal your own heart...
the heart belongs to u...
if u don't heal it and have a space for someone to walk in,
the heart will always be sealed,
memories will never be forgotten,
the pain will never go,
and u will never move on from where u started...

2004-04-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

just like birds in the skies,
i would hope to be close to you,
but no matter how close i am to you,
there is just this one thing that keeps me away,
your heart,
the further you are from me,
the nearer i want to be to you,
but the nearer i am to you,
the further you are from me,
i can't forget the past,
and i can't go back to the past
to change the things
which should not have happened,
i do not have magic powers to change the past,
the more i wanted to,
the more it would haunt me,
but i do know that i have the power to change the future,
to change the way i look at you,
to change the way i think and miss you,
to finally let go of you and our past,
i know it would be hard,
it must be hard so that i would never take the past to the future,
i would not say i would try or i would do my best,
i would tell myself,
i must do it,
it's now or never,
if not then when?
things would go on like a neverending story,
and thus from this moment on,
i shall look high up into the sky
and like the birds in the sky,
i am going to look far and fly high instead of flying close to you,
i promise...

2004-04-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

love still hurts as much as it used to,
i have a kind of love in me,
some love that lets me think and care about you,
and the more, wanting to be with you,
but love made a twist and i could never be with you,
caring for you and holding your hand is possible but we could never be together,
not even thinking about being together coz it would hurt me so much to even think,
sad it might be but this feeling would never go...

some people told me that maybe i should wait,
till you have ended your chance with her,
but i could not,
afterall it's a 2 year's of story together,
i couldn't wait and i couldn't go on without thinking of you,
trying to get on without you for the past few years,
has been great and good,
or so i thought,
but seeing you again proved me wrong,
i may not think about you,
but nevertheless you have never left my heart,
not in the past and not now,
with the choice of getting you in my life and forgetting about you,
i am at a cross road now,
waiting for a kind soul who could give me instructions to follow,
unfortunately life do not work out this way,
so here i am again,
at the crossroad i was years ago...

2004-04-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

with a new year comes a new beginning,
every month is a new chapter,
every day is a new chance,
every hour is a combi of minutes,
every minute is a prelude to an hour,
and every second is every moment that i've been thinking of you...

2004-04-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

my first post here...more will be coming...

it's nice to finally find a place to consolidate all my thoughts and stuff...

i hope it would be here to stay...