Wednesday, June 02, 2004
6/02/2004 10:09:00 PM
Life is a journey full of lots of "what ifs"...
it's up to us to make them reality or leave them as it is...
One thing in life...
As i have learned from Ally Mcbeal..
"Never regret what you did, rather, regret what you have not done"...
Every step we take...
is a new step...
every friend we meet is a new story...
everything we do...
opens up a new journey...
and this journey is worth exploring...
fear not...cry not...worry not...
someone somewhere has been through it...
if they can walk through it...
why not you?
if they have friends that have walked through it with them...
why not we?
whenever you feel lonely, scared, afraid, unloved...
my number is just a keypress away...
we might be seperated by distance...
but not apart...
To all my friends whom i have kept close to heart,
i might not shown it...
i might not have said it...
but, you do mean something to me...
Cause' somewhere somehow, you have walked into my journey...
and made that part of the journey more worthwhile than ever...
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
6/02/2004 09:27:00 PM
just did some counting...it's 11 more days to go!!!
argghh...this is terrible...i am freaking...i am scared...i am lost for words!!
i just feel like crying man...
it's all happening so fast...
11 days more...and i have got to get my 3 pcs of white plain polo shirts...2 pieces of white plain shirts...2 pcs of white plain singlets...and 2 pcs of slacks..
and i have got to get the toiletries...
also have go to meet Jul, Grace, Boon, Alan, Fend...
gotta go Sentosa..if not, gotta wait till next year...and i don't know if i will have time next year..
spend time with Ma and Pa..go visit Grandma..
settle my home stuff...settle my handphone stuff...
spend time with my "angel"...
and gotta help my aunt for the whole of next week..help to be a model for her massage thingy...
haiz...speaking of that...agreed to help her a few moments ago...then she called again to say that i won't be paid!..will just be helping out...
haiz...what can i say man?...already promised her...me and my big mouth...
11 days...it better be enough...
but then again...if it's not enough...there's nothing i can do...
____________________________________________
okok...enough of my Doom Day...
gotta touch on what i did today...
i didn't really do anything today...or should i say..i did a little...
well well...woke up at 10 plus today...damn tired...don't know why also...
could have slept later...but my MUM!!
just suddenly called to ask about my white shirts thingy!!
and best part is i could not get back to sleep after that..
and worst part is...my mum can call me to ask about the white shirts thingy but not about my BREAKFAST!
so shitty...gotta go down to get breakfast...
and by the time i was up...i just didn't have the mood to go run my rounds at the stadium...
and so i told myself "evening...confirm go"...
then spent my whole afternoon packing my room and chatting with Grace for awhile..
packing and packing...it never stops!
and my room can never be fully neat...
nevermind about that...since i do not usually spend much time at home...except to sleep...
which makes me wonder if i would miss my room in 11 days more to come?
would i cry?
but it's just not me to cry because i miss my room...in fact, i seldom, or should i say, never miss my room?
maybe i might...i'll tell you if i do..
gotta end my post soon...getting pretty long...
...shall be going out with Grace tml...
yippie!...shall go get my stuff and a little shopping...and i just could not wait to lay my hands on the Strawberries and Cream Frappuccino from StarBucks!
saw the ad in the papers today...it's calling out to me!
though i have always preferred CoffeeBean to StarBucks...it's still calling out to me!
shall try it tml and let you ppl know...
hee...just hope that my sore throat would go away...it's kind of irriatating me though...
ok..bye ppl...
oh yah...not bye yet...
i caught the show The Wedding Planner yesterday...
whoa...
very nice show!...makes you wanna get married...makes you wanna get your heels stuck in the long kau's hole everyday!!
haha...and makes you wanna only eat the M & M's brown coloured chocolates only...coz it might contain less preservatives as chocolates are already brown in colour..
ok...nitez ppl...
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
6/01/2004 08:41:00 PM
As i go through a new chapter in life..
i realised something so right..
So right was i to let you go..
So right was i to say good-bye..
I had cried..
but i had stopped..
for i have come to realise...
so much of us was in the past...
in chapter five,
where there were happier times..
they were often overwhelmed by sadder times..
i have loved you...
i have hated you...
i have waited for you...
i have cried..
i have gone so far to the point that my confidence was gone..
my faith disappeared...
where i was just holding on...
for the hope of going on...
if chapter 5 was so little about love, happiness and life..
and so much about hatred, sadness and broken hearts..
i am glad that i have moved on..
to my new chapter 6..
where i have learnt..
learnt how to love...
how to treasure...
learnt more about life and all...
learnt how to trust and have faith..
and of all things..
i have learnt,
i am the writer of my chapters..
not you..
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Sunday, May 30, 2004
5/30/2004 08:10:00 PM
I know you are busy
And right now, nothing seems easy
It is a hard road ahead
This I must agree
I can’t offer much
Except for words of encouragement
I don’t know how well they work
But I hope it’s more than words
A message a day
A prayer each day
I hope things would be better
As you try your best at the battle…
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
5/30/2004 12:44:00 PM
Sunday Sunday...
Was supposed to be out with Grace today..but then again...she didn't call me and i didn't call her...it's one of those unsuccessful outing yet again..
i wouldn't be surprised if i were to call her later and she asking me why i didn't call her earlier to go out...and i would definately ask her why she didn't call me back...
i just don't get it...if people don't call you...you would call them right?sometimes, she just makes me wanna hang her upside down and slap her...
i hope she ain't reading this...
nevermind...staying at home isn't such a bad idea afterall...come to think of it..for the past few years, i have been out every sunday...so i guess this is a good time to stay home and spend time with my room...
sounds weird.."spending time with my room"...whatever...
btw, Dad gave me some $$ yesterday..i felt happy but now, thinking back...it has been like 4 years since i last took money from him to spend?
don't really feel good...living off ppl...though he's Dad..i still don't feel appropriate...so, shall return him the money when i am financially stable..
oh...just suddenly thought of the 2 fishes that Jul bought..wonder how are they now...this silly gal...i still can't believe it...she actually named the 2 fishes Dummy and Tummy...or was it Dumsy?
haha...whatever she calls it...sounds funny though...but it's her fishes afterall...she spent like $35.00 on it...including the tank, the air pump, food and that anti-clorine solution...
don't know much about fishes and stuff...so not sure if it was indeed a good buy though..but as long as she is happy~
she makes me feel like buying fishes too...
but i guess i won't..i just can't bear the thought that the pet would die and leave you one day...
it's gonna be damn emotional...
just don't wanna go through that all over again...first it was my hamster...then it was my dog...
no more pets for me...i prefer to go to people's house and play with their pets instead..
the weather looks bad now...looks like it's gonna rain...
it's always like that..just when i have decided to do some exercises for good...it would always rain!!
dear clouds...rain all you want now...just don't rain tml...i have lotsa stuff to do tml...
gotta call my sureties up...settle my home stuff before i head for Doom Day...
and the rest of the week...gotta go meet all my friends...
and catch a movie and have a drink with Alan and Fend at our beloved Esplanade...
haven't seen them in a long while...i mean...i do see them once in a while..but it's just that...we are not that close now...compared to Year 2, where we would hang out everyday...in school...outside school...chat on MSN..and have conference on the phone..
can't wait to see them...
oh...suddenly remember this particular time where the 3 of us with Candy and Eunice went to the Esplanade for a few drinks and wrote messages on a piece of paper and put them into the bottles before throwing them into the smelly river...or sea...i don't know...
ha~don't really remember what wish i made that time...but it was fun...
message in a bottle...i wonder where that bottle has floated to now...
maybe one day i would see it somewhere near some beach...guess i am thinking too much..
ok...gotta find some stuff to do...Good Day ppl...
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Saturday, May 29, 2004
5/29/2004 08:54:00 PM
ok...shall update this while waiting for Dad to get me dinner...would be having chee cheong fun for dinner...ate too much for the past 2 days with grace and jul...
i can never eat little with these 2 women...shall touch on it later..
oh yeah~...and Dad is getting satay too!
long time since i ate satay...the satay sauce with the rice...
and about eating with grace and jul...we ate damn a lot for the past 2 days...
grace stayed over and jul came over yesterday...
ha!it feels good when you have two best friends who knows how to cook and all you have to do is just to wait for food to be served...
they are good cookers i would say..i mean, for someone like me who fails everytime at cooking...
they cooked cheese rice, chicken poppers, cocktail sausages, the campbell's mushroom and scallop soup, sotong with lots of chilli and last but not least...the fried egg with lots of onions!!!
it was a feast i can tell you...now i really feel much more fatter...
oh yah!and we all drank that Want Want "pau pau guo dong"...really nice...go try it ppl...bubbled jelly drink...
haikz...thank God i went running today...not bad whoa...managed to complete 2.4 K in 15 mins...
i know i know...it's not that big "hu-ha"...but, for someone like me...not bad le...
shall go running everyday to prepare myself for Doom Day...which is coming in 2 weeks time!!
never thought it would be so fast...so many things to do suddenly...
looks like my wish of wanting to be busy has come true...
OOps..shall not anyhow make wishes le...
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
5/25/2004 11:25:00 PM
i am back!
today was a fruitful day out...
went out with jul to Tampines and Parkway...
oh..before i go on..gotta tell you about this dream i had a few hours ago..
damn funny...
i dreamt that i was with jul and we ordered "sex on the beach"..weird things is, we were choosing the coconut to put the drink in...and more weird, we were actually in a place that looks like CoffeeBean..
think i am going crazy man...what a weird dream...sex on the beach in a coconut husk!
okok..back to the topic of the day...
fruitful trip i had with jul today...
bought a pair of slip-ons from Leather Ark..i love them!Jul chose it...and i love it..nothing could go wrong when Jul chooses something for you.. :P
oops...shoud not praised her so openly..i can imagine her head swelling when she reads this...
oh yah..and Jul finally bought her jeans from Giordano..happy for her..you should have seen her smile whenever she sees the jeans...that kind of smile...
the jeans was nice i must admit...Giordano is getting better i would say...i love the jeans too...but now is just not a good time to invest in one...i would need capital to invest in my hair first...
and where is my paycheck??!!
haiz...i hope the Accounts Department could just be more efficient in giving me money...
just can't wait to trim and highlight my hair...hee hee..
oh yeah~
should tell you all what i ate the whole day today...you would be amazed at my appetite!even jul is suspecting that my stomach has a hole because i kept saying that i was hungry!
here's the menu..
Breakfast...i ate fish porridge...and a garlic bun..and a potato and ham bun..
Lunch...i ate Old Chang Kee's carrot cake..yummy!!...with mango juice from Orange Julius..
Then..me and Jul proceeded on to have Pretzels from Auntie Anne...
And finally...we rested our feet and had Black Forest and a CoffeeBean Triple Decker cake from CoffeeBean...
the cake was damn nice...i guess it was a new cake...it's simply irresitably nice and sinful!
There are 3 layers to the cake..first layer was the Orea cheeecake...second layer was the cheesecake...and the third layer was the coffee mocha...
it's definately worth it!Go try it ppl...no regrets...
now looking back...i don't think i ate that much...this silly jul...keep scolding me for eating so much...
*yawnz*...kind of late now...gotta go to bed soon...nitez ppl..
and one more thing...
To kel,
I know your career is very important to you now..
And i know, being a Taurus, should you decide to go into something..you would put your heart and soul and everything into doing it..
Don't worry about me..
i'll be fine..
just wanted to let you know that..
whatever happens,
you'll have me..
i know i can't help you much..
but i'll always be there..
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Sunday, May 23, 2004
5/23/2004 03:24:00 PM
when the impossible has happened, there is nothing to stop the possible from happening..
don't get it?it's ok..you are not supposed to..only i am..
ha~
thought of this when i was in the train yesterday on my way home...don't know why...but it just suddenly popped in my mind, so just decided to punch it into my blog..
oh..forgot to mention this..was reading The Sunday Newpaper this morning..particularly Edwin Yeo's column..
he was really damn funny...could actually link the depressed economy with those anti-drug ads and women's breasts..
nice article...go check it out if you could...
think i shall go watch tv now..nothing to do for the whole day today..called grace but as usual, no answer!..jul must be "lost in love" now..and kel, i guess he should be busy..
sigh...it's ok..i am sure the good old TV has something to offer me...
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
Saturday, May 22, 2004
5/22/2004 06:23:00 PM
have not been blogging for a long long time...
was just reading Jul's blog and realised that my last post was like..09th May?
well, have been pretty busy recently...was busy working for the whole week...
And some updates here...
For the past one week..I have been working daily and feeling tired...my pac-net internet service was cut off...i just paid $105.00 for it...my week has been pretty screwed up..i am currently feeling depressed and sad..i just blew $30 on lunch with Boon..just came back from Bugis...and while i was there, i saw my Police interviewer...my medical check-up is next monday...i am now out of job again...and i fucking feeling depressed and sad and screwed with that damn Westlife's song on the earphone...
"If your heart's not in it for real,
please don't try to fake what you don't feel,
if love's already gone,
it's not fair to lead me on,
cause' i would give the whole world for you,
anything you ask of me,
i'll do,
but i won't ask you to stay,
i'll rather walk away,
if your heart's not in it.."
i am really going crazy..and i just gonna type whatever comes on to my mind..cause' i am tired of consolidating my thoughts and thinking...
think think think...think so much also no use...
i am not afraid of committing, not afraid of hardship, not afraid of sadness, not afraid of loneliness, i am not afraid of anything...but one thing, how could i not be afraid when you can't even show me the least? when you can't even show me that you are seriously in it? when you can't even show me the confidence of the relationship, the commitment?
I might be really thinking too much, crapping too much...but i do not request too much...
All i need is a minute out of 24 hours. Is that really too much? Too unreasonable?
I admit i am independent, i have always been. But does that mean that i do not need an assurance?
I am not afraid of putting my heart and soul into something. I do understand that when there are happiness, there are bound to be unhappiness. The higher you climb, the harder you fall. I understand it all too well.
I am not afraid of getting hurt. I am just afraid that you might not feel the same way.
Just like that Westlife song, i could give anything. But, would you feel anything?
I don't feel good. I seriously don't.
If i do, i wouldn't be crying yesterday when Jul sent me a message telling me that i'll always have her shoulder to lean and cry on.
Yes, i cried. It has been a long time since something has upset me so much.
I cried not because of how sweet Jul's message was, though i must admit it was sweet, I cried because i am beginning to wonder if everything is really so true. Could God really be so good to me? Or is this my retribution?
I hope you are not reading this.
I know you are busy with your work and stuff. I know it's important. I know.
If you can't give me a minute out of 24 hours, it's alright then.
Cause' i have already given you my full 24 hours.
I have fears, but worry not, i'll be strong.
I was and i will.
I am in it for real.
..i have not forgotten, i have just merely moved on to write a better chapter..
